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Sunday, July 10, 2011

Baby Blues

I don't know if you could really classify this as saying one of those funny things, but the timing of it was sweet, and it filled my heart with exactly what I needed.

For some reason, I have been faced with babies over and over again in the past month. It's come from babysitting, to talking across the baby with the mommy, to my friend having a brand new baby. New babies are in the movies I'm watching, and even I Love Lucy just had her baby on the show we watched with our kids.

I have to be so careful around babies. I'm very impulsive, and a baby is not an impulsive decision.

This probably sounds crazy, I don't ask to hold other peoples babies even though I love them and want to so badly. I am very careful to keep my distance. If I went by my feelings, I would end up with a house full of children that I couldn't take care of.

Just this week, after meeting a brand new baby, it brought back all those sweet memories I have with my little ones, and I was starting to get the baby blues. Not the depression blues, but the I want to hold a little baby of my own again blues.

I've talked about it with my husband. I've even cried about it, and moped about it. I'm embarrassed to even be saying this. Because in all honesty, I DON'T WANT A BABY. I'm done having little babies. I love all three of my children, and I don't believe that God's plan is for me to have more right now, or even later. But that doesn't take the ache away.

When I had finished a rather lengthy conversation with my husband this afternoon, and was feeling still a little blue, my three year old walked up to me, and grabbed my leg. He nuzzled his face into my legs, gave me a big hug and said, "Mommy. I your baby."

I couldn't believe it. I was certain my husband put him up to it. But he didn't. Zechariah said it all on his own. How could I resist that sweet little declaration? God has already given me my babies, and no matter how old any of my children get, I will always think of them as that. My baby walking around in a grown-up body.

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

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