With you this madness we call life
Is not really what it might seem.
It is still there, it cannot leave,
But for now, it is a dream.
For a second I can't feel,
For a moment, it is gone
I can't really find what was there,
But at last I feel a song.
Peace is what it brings;
Peace for another day.
I guess nothing really does come...
Life just goes away.
My husband wrote this poem for me after we had been dating for almost a month. This was the first of many poems he would later write. Every night we would say our goodbyes and almost every night for a year before he dozed off to sleep he would email me a poem. Shortly after the poems stopped, we were married, and our life became the poem. I had never seen true beauty until Titus came into my life. He was like magic, and showed up exactly when I needed him.
To help you better understand the meaning behind the poem, I'll share an instant message conversation between me and my husband that I had saved years ago.
He first says: That was written about my most recent source of inspiration...
I asked him to explain the first verse: Well, for some reason when I'm around you, I never worry about what is going on everywhere else... I remember that everything is still going on, but it never really seems to matter.
Okay second verse: Well that one is a little harder to explain but I will try... I don't really know what it's like to miss someone... Mainly because I've never had that problem, but recently I've been having a small sickening feeling in my stomach when you're not around... And I don't feel it when you're there... I don't understand why, but for the time I'm happy for no reason. That's basically what it's saying..
Okay now third verse: I guess the best way to describe the feeling is peace, It lets me live through another day... But in reality, peace isn't really a feeling. It's what happens when all your cares go away...
Can you see why I fell in love with him? He always has made me feel special in a way that no other person can. The only way that I can see it's possible is that God brought him into my life, and I will forever be grateful.
Every Valentine's Day my husband will buy me a single red rose, not a dozen roses, or a bouquet of flowers, but a single red rose. A single rose stands for simplicity. In full bloom, it means “I love you” or “I love you still.” On other occasions my husband might get me flowers, daisies are one of my favorites, but the single red rose is always reserved for Valentine's Day.
Every year I make sure to take special care of my single red rose, and I add it into the bouquet of years past. Yesterday marked the 12th year that I was given a rose by my husband. If you look closely at my roses you will see that each one has uniqueness about it. I can still find the first rose I was given, and for awhile I could even tell apart a few other years. Now the only one that I can spot right away is my first rose. It was the first time I heard the words "I love you" and believed it. It was also the first time I could honestly say those words back to someone. I like to think that each rose tells a story. There is a couple that look very weathered like they've been through a lot and when I see those ones I see the years that we struggled together. The years that we really became a couple united together as one. But all of them together, the pretty ones and the weathered ones, they make something beautiful.
When I was a kid my mom would make me and my brother and sister great big heart sugar cookies. I loved it! She continued the tradition for a couple years after I was married, and then stopped. Sometimes in order to make room for new things, you have to stop doing something old. This year, I thought it was time I picked up on the tradition to do with my own children. Zech and I made HUGE chocolate chip cookies together. It's not exactly the same, but it holds the same special feeling for me, and I get to bestow that on my children now.
The kids were both very excited to see their large cookies! I think their one cookie might be the equivalent of 6 normal size cookies.
Ariel is definitely my daughter as she LOVES to give gifts. You will never have a holiday or special occasion where she hasn't made some sort of gift or card. She's very creative in what she does. Titus and I received this adorable 3-dimensional card from her. You can't see it in the picture very well, but she is blowing a kiss at us with one hand and holds the sign with the other. It came with a plaque that read: "Dedacated To My Wonderful Parents! I love you!" We were also given a snack mix to share that she made herself. It had goldfish crackers, pretzel sticks, animal cookies, and some Valentine candy from her school party that she was willing to share. Ariel is always my sweetheart!
Along with my rose this year, I got a book from my husband, "Blogging for Dummies". He has seen me at my latest obsession and been made to read all my posts, so it was sweet for him to try to help me out. I did tell him I'm taking the Dummy thing a little personal, but I'll try to let it go. For that he had a backup plan. He got me "The Karate Kid" part one of a movie trilogy that I keep mentioning we need to pick up sometime at the store. And again, he had another backup plan if that was a bad gift; he threw in a bag of twizzlers. How can you go wrong with twizzlers? I love them!
For Titus I picked out one of his favorite coffee flavors from Classic Bean, and a favorite tea, along with a new mug. I couldn't resist buying the chalkboard mug when I saw it. I knew it would be a hit with my husband, and in the few hours we've spent together since I gave it to him, the message has already been changed 3 times. This morning I found it on the counter waiting for me to use for my morning tea reading, "I like the way you...." In the future I see many many secret messages being written on the mug waiting for one of us to find.
Each of my children opened a special Valentine gift chosen just for them. I thought the gift I gave Ariel, says perfectly what love I believe the holiday should be about. I know it's fun to celebrate the love I have with my husband, but I don't think it should be confined to only a romantic love. Not every person has romance in their life, but every person needs to be consumed by a perfect love. Every individual needs to have a lover chase after them, a lover that desires intimacy with them, a lover that changes them, and gives them hope, not despair and grief. The only way you will ever find that perfect love is from Jesus. He is the one who can take that void in you, and make you whole. He's the only one who can give you perfect peace, and happiness. “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
Who better than God can give the kind of love every person desires to feel. A love that is willing to give up his son, for you and me. I've always found this verse to be so inspiring and comforting. I could much easier give my own life than be willing to sacrifice my child. How could God love me that much? It's unfathomable! So next time you're feeling let down by your imperfect lover, remember that God is just waiting to lavish you with His perfect love that never fails.
The verse of the day on my blog: “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:10